What is Loneliness
The kids have moved on and life has become a continuous routine. The peaceful calm you wished for all the years has arrived, but something seems to be missing. You dust the frame, again, and picture the next visit … If only life would be exciting and busy again, you wonder.
If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing loneliness.
Loneliness, whether objective or subjective can be dangerous. According to researchers at Brigham Young University [1] it is even associated with premature death.
Although we refer to loneliness as a single phenomenon, Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project and Happier at Home, actually identifies 7 variations of the feeling. So you may be experiencing it only in specific situations, and that is normal.
Experience and Situation
The first step to dealing with loneliness, is understanding it as an averse emotional experience, that occurs in certain situations.
It isn’t about being alone, says Rubin, rather “being lonely,” which feels “draining, distracting, and upsetting.”
If your being alone is accompanied by these feelings, try to notice which situations bring them on. Does it happen after a visit? From who? Is it at particular times of the day or week? Perhaps holiday seasons?
You may experience different forms at different times, as well. But, not every situation of being alone is accompanied by a loneliness experience.
Once you narrow it down, you’ll be closer to dealing with the problem.
Fortunately, there is what to do about being lonely. And we will touch on this in our next post. For now, keep Rubin’s message in mind: “To be happy, we need intimate bonds; we need to be able to confide, we need to feel like we belong, we need to be able to get and give support. In fact, strong relationships are key — perhaps the key — to a happy life.”
Do you ever experience loneliness?
Please share in the comments below.
[1] Holt-Lunstad, Julianne, Timothy B. Smith, Mark Baker, Tyler Harris, and David Stephenson. “Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review.” Perspectives on Psychological Science 10, no. 2 (2015): 227-237.