One of the tough dilemmas that come up for caregivers of their parents is the feeling of being torn between taking care of your elders or children.
While, ideally, you want to do fill both of these roles perfectly, sometimes, you just can’t. Attending to parents while raising children isn’t easy for a reason. Your sense of responsibility is split, and you feel guilty for shortchanging whoever you chose not to focus on enough.
And, often, this is a daily struggle.
While there’s no magic recipe or structure that will fit everyone’s circumstances, there are some important points to consider, regardless of your exact situation.
You
Yes, you. Taking care of others is admirable, but if you don’t pay attention, you may start to suffer. Caretaking doesn’t always feel rewarding and its effects can pile up on you. All this is true under regular circumstances. When you’re attending to parents while raising children, it can take that much more of a toll on you.
So make sure to set aside some time for yourself. While it seems counterintuitive that adding another person to take care of into the equation is likely to help things, don’t neglect yourself and your needs. Making time for yourself can help you avoid burnout and give you some much needed energy to keep being there for those counting on you.
Time
Managing your time is what helps good work happen consistently without it becoming a burden. But raising children is a 24/7 responsibility. There are no real out-of-office hours.
However, you may be able to find time slots that you can use to schedule specific tasks. If an emergency comes up, you’re on call, but under regular circumstances, see what you can schedule at a set time every week. This can also give your children and parents a sense of structure amid the situation.
For example, you can have your set visit times for your parents and read your children a book at a specific time. That time is just for them.
Oh, and don’t forget to schedule time for yourself too.